Titles and Deeds

en·ti·tle·ment

/inˈtīdlmənt/

Noun

"Having a right to something or believing that one deserves to be 

given something”

planoun  en·ti·tle·ment  \-ˈtī-təl-mənt “the condition of having a right to have, do, or get something; the feeling or belief that you deserve to be given something

No one looks the way I do

I have noticed that it’s true

No one walks the way I walk

No one talks the way I talk

No one plays the way I play

No one says the things I say

I am special

I am me  

(nursery song sung by Gen Y children from 1978-1997)

It is said that today’s generation feels the greatest sense of entitlement ever. This may be in comparison to previous American generations who prided themselves on pulling themselves up by the bootstraps and telling each other “There’s no elevator to the top, just the stairs”, not to mention enduring shoe shortages and  horrific blizzard conditions on that walk to school.

But if you come from France, entitlement is still alive and well and has been for centuries. It’s interesting to note that entitlement has the word “title” in it. And pre-revolutionary France was full of folks with important titles. From Duke to Marquis to Comte to Baron, anyone who was “someone” had a title. And as a result expected a high degree of special treatment and privileges in society as a member of the noblesse. Titles breed entitlement and entitlement needs titles.

France severed themselves, quite literally, from this social structure during the guillotine-crazed revolution. What emerged today is a strongly socialist form of government where the super rich are taxed at up to 75% to help pay for a social welfare system that takes care of citizens of the republic from cradle to grave. This has produced another kind of entitlement. People expect their government to take care of each and every one of their needs.  35 hour work weeks, six weeks of vacation a year and a pension at age 60 is the expectation of every person. Oh, and fresh bread baked daily with 365 varieties of cheese is also high on the list.

And there lies the irony. No, not that every leap year leaves you one cheese short. But the society that did away with an elite class of title-bearing narcissists never completely eradicated the spirit of entitlement. Which brings us to a current generation of American kids who are all about fairness and equality. And who seldom hear a no from moms and dads that want to be pals more than parents. Or lazy students who are given  C’s by teachers afraid of holding them back lest they damage precious self-esteem. And let’s not forget how every player nowadays gets a trophy from the coach just for participating. Even birthday party invitees go home laden with  a goodie bag, because God forbid they would have to watch the birthday person get something and they walk away empty handed.

We’ve created a culture where everything must be fair. No one is to be held in higher esteem than another. Hard work or talent cannot be allowed to cause those less diligent or less capable from feeling any twinge of inferiority. So our American brand of egalitarianism-on-steroids has actually engendered a high degree of entitlement, like France. We’ve produced little, and not-so-little, modern-day Dukes and Duchesses with every bit of expectation of something for nothing as any spoiled Renaissance-era  Countess.

And this culture has found its way into leadership, both in the office chair and the church. Today’s generation of emerging leaders have inherited the maximum for the least amount of work than any other before them. The less one works for what they have, the more the intangible things of leadership, like  respect and influence, are simply expected to come with a title like manager, coordinator, or pastor.

The great egalitarian experiment has failed because it produces new leaders who have neither the capacity for nor the knowledge of the kind of hard work that goes into earning the respect and influence necessary to lead successfully.  I don’t have to bother to earn respect if my sense of fairness says I deserve as much as the next guy with the same degree or a similar position. It’s always so much easier have a title and then tell people what to do than it is to earn trust and respect through sacrifice and hard work. and leading through influence.

Jesus eschewed titles, special treatment and honored seats at the table. He worked hard, served tirelessly  and loved intensely. The result is that whether you called him Rabbi, King, Messiah, or friend - he had people who would die for him and followed him to the ends of the earth. He laid down His titles and never expected fairness because there’s nothing fair about an innocent man being ruthlessly executed. So it's always worth remembering that the only thing that truly puts us all on equal footing is the level ground at the foot of the cross. Nobles and nothings, murderers and moms all find there the same grace which makes them equally worthy of His love. And that's not fair. But it sure is fantastic.

Flip-Flops and Slippers

There is a now famous old Cherokee adage, which I am sure you know, that says “Don’t judge a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes.” I recently was thinking of adding a follow-up proverb. No, it wasn’t, “before you walk in another man’s shoes, use foot powder.”  But I was thinking of how in reality, we cannot really walk in someone else’s shoes unless they are willing to hand them over. So my add-on saying would go something like, “You can’t walk in someone else’s shoes unless he’s willing to take them off for you.”  So empathy has a bit less to do with imagination and is possibly more about identification.

Since most people keep their shoes near their front door or maybe in their bedroom closet, you have to get down from your observation perch and actually go near to where that someone lives to get that chance at trying on their size. That’s why I love missions. Because it forces us, hopefully, to lay aside our preconceived notions of what people are like. And because it’s really like walking in Jesus’ shoes, who left his all-seeing viewpoint to put on a pair of sandals and trek a few thousand miles over 31/2 years with his disciples. He couldn’t have tried on those sandals without first leaving heaven, coming to earth and paying a visit to a cobbler’s shop.

When we were living in Bangladesh, a man tried to walk in my shoes once. Actually he stole my brand new slip-on dress shoes from the back of the church. I had looked all over Bangkok Thailand for those, and was quite fond of them. Everyone leaves their shoes at the back in order to not track dirt and much worse on the clean floor or carpet. So while I was praying for people, he decided to find out what it would be like to trade shoes with me. When I went looking for my fancy, expensive shoes, the only unclaimed ones were a well-worn pair of flip-flops.  I had no choice but to put them on, even though they were entirely too small for me. What I found is that my feet became a lot dirtier and hurt a lot more from my walk. And I also did not appreciate the look of disdain that the concierge gave me as I walked into the lobby of my hotel. Tie and dress pants combined with miniature rubber sandals, caked with mud. Talk about shabby-chic. I felt the twinge of shame experienced only by the have-nots of society who cannot afford what the wealthy and beautiful take for granted.

I learned something from this experience. I found out what it is like both physically and emotionally for an average Bangladeshi to walk a considerable distance. And this valuable lesson would have been missed by me if I had not been willing to leave America, go to Bangladesh and take off my shoes.

I have also taken off my shoes when invited over to French families’ homes and found that most French hosts have a pair of slippers to hand each of their guests. They are Europe’s biggest consumers of house slippers. And so my willingness to leave my own culture and enter theirs allowed me the privilege to talk, eat, laugh and cry in the homes of my French friends. By walking what was only a few meters in their house shoes, I learned what no tourist on vacation  who walks and shops the streets of Paris can know. The French are wonderful people. Warm, hospitable, self-depreciating, and deeply caring. How sad that I run into many people in my travels who’ve never gone deeper in French culture than the Notre Dame and eating a baguette.  So they have missed this reality about the French and yet seem pretty content and self-assured of their assessments.

I guess the biggest overall lesson here is to reserve judgment. All we know from the media and other people’s experiences is simply biased, second-hand information. Bengalis are so much more to me than Muslims trying to get into my country. The French are infinitely more to me than the caricature of beret wearing cheese and wine connoisseurs. I am thankful for the privilege to have worn flip-flops in Bangladesh and slippers in France. And I believe I am a better man for it.

The Sheep Grazer, the Star Gazer and the Video Gamer

I was a bit alarmed when I recently Googled “christmas gifts for men” and saw the result from a few online stores. Guys must be hard to shop for, evidenced by the alternately humorous and sad gift ideas that came up, like a hockey stick ice scraper or an f-bomb paperweight. I was a bit alarmed at how many gifts pertained to alcohol, sports and barbecuing. It seems that the 21st century dad is better known for tailgating than trailblazing.

This got me to thinking about my gender and the holidays and what is and isn’t right in male-dom. As I see it, there are three kinds of men that are closely related to Christmas. Two of them I am sure most of you are familiar with, while the third one may only need a bit of explanation if you don’t happen to have a brother, cousin, son or male friend under the age of thirty.  

You know the sheep grazer in the Christmas story as the shepherd. He can be described as hard-working and faithful, prepared to defend the young and proficient at caring for the sick and weak.  Where could the shepherds be found that fateful night that the angels came to announce the Messiah’s birth looking for some free publicity? Where they always were and should have been - loyal on the job in spite of the long hours and lingering cold. Neither afraid to break a sweat or sweat the small stuff, the sheep grazer finds fulfillment in making a commitment and keeping it.

The narrative’s stargazer is, of course, the wise man. More than a guy with his head in the clouds, the magi was someone who was a visionary. This type of man is not afraid to take risks. His vision of what lies in the heavens dictates the path he will doggedly follow on earth. The wise man is the one who seeks to spend his time and riches pursuing honor, who can’t be misled by deceivers, and is willing to pay whatever price is necessary to achieve his destiny, even if that future includes leaving the comforts of home and country.

The video gamer may not be a part of the traditional Christmas tale, but he is definitely a character in the modern one.  Peruse any of the big box stores’ ads this season and you will see that a large part of their advertising space is taken up with video games, consoles, tv screens, bluetooth headphones and sound systems all designed to ensure that a generation of young men have the latest, most realistic and most comfortable game playing experience possible.

Even a small portion of the global video gaming industry’s 163 billion dollar revenue can make someone very rich this Christmas.  Companies like Microsoft and  Nintendo will rake in astronomical profits made off of the billions of hours wasted by young men entrenched in front of their HD plasma screens. Christmas has become Commerce-mas, and nothing makes the cash registers hum like a whole generation of boys addicted to the hard work of expertly manipulating a joystick and the thrill of being a make-believe hero.

We have too many video gamers and not enough victory gainers.  Stargazers who will not be AWOL in fantasy land but will use their thirst for adventure and transcendence to make epic journeys out of their lives in pursuit of excellence.  Sheep grazers who willingly make lifelong commitments to serve others in face to face, flesh and blood relationships, not virtual ones lived out from the safety of the couch and hidden behind an avatar.  There is a dearth of young men on the mission field, on the worship team, and in the prayer room. And I know where a large number of them can be found.

But my prayer this Christmas is that their hearts and imaginations will be inspired anew by the majesty and realism of a story where a son leaves his place of comfort and privilege and risks everything to save the day and give his all. Jesus is the ultimate male role model. May a whole new generation aspire to be the true men of Christmas.